Away We Go

So. Here it is.

I'm about three hours away from meeting everyone at the airport in Shanghai. I've been running around LA for the past three days, everywhere from Manhattan Beach to Malibu to Burbank to Pasadena. I've been blasting classic rock out the back of my uncles' red jeep wrangler and living it up for my last few days in the USA. It's odd to think that in less than 24 hours, I'll be speaking mandarin and trying to negotiate my residential visa in Shanghai.

Like everything in my life thus far, I can usually tell when something is going to be important. I can sense when some event or moment is going to have a significant impact on "life" that I can't really explain. Mostly I just get nervous and can feel something shifting in whatever greater universe I'm living in. I know it sounds ridiculous. It's like I can feel something bigger is coming... lol

Now is the moment where I take the leap. I said goodbye to my family, waved goodbye to my home and my friends, and now stand on the edge of this huge adventure that I can't even really see yet. I'm excited, nervous, but mostly just waiting for it to begin. I figure if I can live on my own, work and internship, and be self reliant in Los Angeles for two months... this Shanghai thing shouldn't be too difficult.

Here we go.... Finally :)

leaving the house

Well... here I am. 20 minutes away from leaving for the airport and two days away from leaving for China. My bags are somehow not overstuffed, my things are in order, and I might actually be ready to go. I sit here in my somewhat normal looking bedroom wondering how my bags can have so much in them when my room doesn't really look empty.

So I am really packing my life and moving to China. Two days. More to come.

One Week.

One week to go.

Thus far, I have two empty suitcases, a large pile of potential clothes, and a totally chaotic room. Despite a lifetime of traveling, I am still a terrible packer. I tend to just throw things in a general direction and attempt to imagine various scenarios in which to wear far too may outfits. The weight limit isn't helping, either. 100 pounds, 15 of which are already taken up by the suitcases, is not much for almost 8 months in a foreign country.

So far, I have a list of mostly layers. Lots of tanks and sweaters to layer with jeans depending on the weather, which from what I hear can be extreme. Some trek gear for harder travel, along with winter layers for the upcoming cold months. I have some random items for everyday, like a dress or flip flops, but I mostly have practical clothing. I'm bringing a few luxuries, like hand sanitizer and my fantastic new camera. In reality, I'm not actually taking that much stuff. What I can't figure out is why it all weights so much...

This month went so fast. I can't believe that in a week I'll be on my way. I have to disconnect my beloved iphone, change over my money, and say goodbye for awhile. With the time change and lack of convenient communication, I'll have to rely on skype, facebook, and this blog to kind of keep people updated on what i'm doing.

Also, sad news :( my puppy of over 12 years passed away last friday. He was the best dog in the world...I miss him very much.

Mental Vacation

Been home for a week now. Mostly been enjoying the comforts of home and my favorite old hangouts. No matter what kind of mood I'm in, I always find some comfort in a Douce France Chai. Despite the exhaustion and re-adjustment, I am really happy to be home. This is my first shot at a "vacation" in almost a year, and for the first time I really feel like I need it. As my family keeps telling me, I need to go to Shanghai refueled, rested, and ready to go.

I'm a little more than two weeks away from getting on the plane to Shanghai. I haven't packed, I haven't even thought about the transition that much. I'm living in a satisfying limbo where I can just relax for a week or two. I have, however, been brushing up on my Mandarin. I'm going into 152 Mandarin, so I can't forget everything I learned during summer session.

That's all for now... just taking a break

和平，爱，安全的旅行
(Peace, Love, Safe Travels)

Saturday night, I had a blast.

Though a few months ago my plans for this particular night were completely different, I still found myself crying through gut-wrenching laughter. My twelve and nine year old cousins had apparently never played MASH, the age old game of creating potential futures. After a few test runs, we stayed up far past everyone's bedtimes imagining pet jaguars and fantasy spouses. Troy, much like my sister, goes through various fixations on new or exciting things. If it were up to Troy, we would have played MASH until he couldn't hold his head up. Game after game, we laughed until our sides hurt. Finally, I pulled the plug when yawns started to outnumber laughs. I put my younger cousin Troy to bed (reluctantly, to say the least) and stayed up with Taylor, the twelve year old. Finally, after a long discussion about the horrors and trials of the middle school social scene, she finally drifted off to sleep with (hopefully) some renewed confidence in her own ability to rise above the mean girls and the bullies.

A very wise woman once told me that 7th and 8th grade are, across the board, terrible years. No one at age 35 looks back and says "gosh, what a great time! I wish I could still be in middle school!" I wish I could shield Taylor from the next few years of awkward, dramatic and often brutal social scenarios, but I know she'll come out stronger and better for it. She's about to start growing in ways she can't even imagine. She's got the double threat of intellect and looks paired with a very sweet nature, making her an obvious target for those girls (and boys) looking for someone to take down. All I can do is tell her it will be ok and try to be there for her as much as I can.

I didn't really consider what it would mean to have my family close by while in college. At first, I would see my relatives every couple months, just to check in and hang out with the kids. After the first few visits, I started to babysit more regularly and come over every couple weeks. Not only was I becoming more involved with the kids and their lives, but I was able to spend more time with my Aunt and Uncle and use them as a true source of support and love. I didn't expect to have such strong support from my extended family while in college, but I am so grateful for it. I'm really going to miss them while I'm abroad.

Once the house went silent, I curled up on the couch with a few luxuries of the real world: a full fridge, a big couch, and HBO. A few episodes of True Blood later, I realized how different my life would have looked just a few months ago. I was supposed to be in Colorado that night, reuniting and celebrating the end of the summer. Instead, I was embracing my inner kid and fantasizing about driving a Giant Grape as a car and what it would mean to have 37 and a 1/2 children. This Saturday night of babysitting might not have been on my agenda, but sitting there in a laugh-induced coma surrounded by people I love, I didn't want to be anywhere else.

One week left in LA. That was fast :D

Transitions

It feels like every time I figure out a really good routine, I have to change it. My mother told me recently that I'm not good with transitions... she might be right. I tend to get anxious and start reaching out for anything solid or stable.

I've finally got this whole living alone thing down, mostly from trial and error. For instance, if I don't plan out my meals, I'll end up buying and then wasting groceries. If I overfeed my beta simply because he has a large appetite, he will bloat up and die a perfectly happy obese death (alas, Jesus.) Also, if I choose not to get my car washed because I don't have time, I'll ruin my white pants when I attempt to close my car trunk. If I choose to spend a Saturday night at my apartment, I better be armed with books and some basic activities or I'll end up with a container of ice cream, sad playlists or a slew of Alias re-runs, and some really fantastic (later regrettable) text messages. Lastly, you can't go see every single movie currently in theaters or you'll end up bored on a Sunday night with no options except the movie about talking Gerbils. Oh the things you learn when you have to be responsible.

What I'm trying to figure out is how I'm going to develop a routine in Shanghai. The most daunting aspect of living in China (for me) is that no matter how many months I live there or how good my Mandarin gets, I will NEVER blend in. I'm 5'2, blonde haired and blue eyed. It's just not going to happen for me. The most I can hope for is that people will take me seriously... but even that's a stretch. I guess that's the fun of the experience. I'll be living in the "Paris of Asia," full of culture and life, so who really cares if I ever find my niche?

Maybe it's not about finding a niche. Maybe, for the first time, it's about not being attatched to anything and simply floating for awhile... we'll see.

Starting the countdown

I have a little over a month before I get on a plane for Shanghai.

Last night, while enjoying summer tapas with Chloe, I couldn't help but wonder what's coming next. We were talking about the future, about what our future summers will be and what we want to do with our lives (though seemingly heavy dinner talk, this is pretty typical of Chloe and myself.)

Last weekend I went home to hang out with my wonderful parents and ever-supportive friends. I've always found that my best mirrors are my friends and family, because when I'm with them I can see myself not as I am, but as was and how I could be. I went home because I was tired: my work week had consisted of heavy projects and long hours and emotionally I just was, as Chloe so accurately put it, coming apart. So, I jumped on a plane and headed back to my refuge, filled (as always) with parental love and home cooked food. I saw both Kate and Zoe for lunch that weekend. The best part about coming home to two of my closest friends is that no matter how hard I try, I can't hide what's going on with me. I sat next t0 these two girls who know me inside and out, and I could no longer ignore the mess I'd let myself turn into. I needed the reality check.

The beauty of still being in California is that I can unashamedly go home for weekends. There will be so many years in the future where this is either not possible or no longer acceptable, so I figure I'll enjoy the years of running home to my family while I still can.

I also joined a more intensive gym class. I swear, this breakup weight is going down. I will no longer be haunted by the four pound ring sitting gently at my hips, reminding me of the late Saturday nights with my two breakup companions: cookie dough and Trader Joe's raspberry sorbet. I admit this is a common occurrence in my post breakup routine: relax and eat, let my body heal itself, and then get angry. Angry not at the person, no, but angry that I can physically see someone's damage on me. This anger forces me to kick my butt into high burn mode, often in the form of a kickboxing class or a new training routine. It's a vicious cycle, but it works.

These past months in Burbank have been incredible to say the least. Working a full time job has given me a new appreciation for the lovely and previously overlooked luxury of summer. I've spent countless summer hours at different camps, thriving in the fresh air and enjoying some time away from the rest of the world. The change of pace has been great, and I can't say how much this job has meant to me. In more ways than one, this job saved me this summer. I've got a few more weeks to savor this slice of life, but I'm really excited to pack up my Mini and drive back home.

... But now back to real life. I have about a month to get myself together before I get on a plane, and my Mandarin is sadly become a bit rusty ( 9 hour days plus workouts don't leave much energy for the ever-wonderful Chinese character memorization.) This next month is just going to have to be whip-into-shape time...here we go