Mental Vacation

Been home for a week now. Mostly been enjoying the comforts of home and my favorite old hangouts. No matter what kind of mood I'm in, I always find some comfort in a Douce France Chai. Despite the exhaustion and re-adjustment, I am really happy to be home. This is my first shot at a "vacation" in almost a year, and for the first time I really feel like I need it. As my family keeps telling me, I need to go to Shanghai refueled, rested, and ready to go.

I'm a little more than two weeks away from getting on the plane to Shanghai. I haven't packed, I haven't even thought about the transition that much. I'm living in a satisfying limbo where I can just relax for a week or two. I have, however, been brushing up on my Mandarin. I'm going into 152 Mandarin, so I can't forget everything I learned during summer session.

That's all for now... just taking a break

和平，爱，安全的旅行
(Peace, Love, Safe Travels)

Saturday night, I had a blast.

Though a few months ago my plans for this particular night were completely different, I still found myself crying through gut-wrenching laughter. My twelve and nine year old cousins had apparently never played MASH, the age old game of creating potential futures. After a few test runs, we stayed up far past everyone's bedtimes imagining pet jaguars and fantasy spouses. Troy, much like my sister, goes through various fixations on new or exciting things. If it were up to Troy, we would have played MASH until he couldn't hold his head up. Game after game, we laughed until our sides hurt. Finally, I pulled the plug when yawns started to outnumber laughs. I put my younger cousin Troy to bed (reluctantly, to say the least) and stayed up with Taylor, the twelve year old. Finally, after a long discussion about the horrors and trials of the middle school social scene, she finally drifted off to sleep with (hopefully) some renewed confidence in her own ability to rise above the mean girls and the bullies.

A very wise woman once told me that 7th and 8th grade are, across the board, terrible years. No one at age 35 looks back and says "gosh, what a great time! I wish I could still be in middle school!" I wish I could shield Taylor from the next few years of awkward, dramatic and often brutal social scenarios, but I know she'll come out stronger and better for it. She's about to start growing in ways she can't even imagine. She's got the double threat of intellect and looks paired with a very sweet nature, making her an obvious target for those girls (and boys) looking for someone to take down. All I can do is tell her it will be ok and try to be there for her as much as I can.

I didn't really consider what it would mean to have my family close by while in college. At first, I would see my relatives every couple months, just to check in and hang out with the kids. After the first few visits, I started to babysit more regularly and come over every couple weeks. Not only was I becoming more involved with the kids and their lives, but I was able to spend more time with my Aunt and Uncle and use them as a true source of support and love. I didn't expect to have such strong support from my extended family while in college, but I am so grateful for it. I'm really going to miss them while I'm abroad.

Once the house went silent, I curled up on the couch with a few luxuries of the real world: a full fridge, a big couch, and HBO. A few episodes of True Blood later, I realized how different my life would have looked just a few months ago. I was supposed to be in Colorado that night, reuniting and celebrating the end of the summer. Instead, I was embracing my inner kid and fantasizing about driving a Giant Grape as a car and what it would mean to have 37 and a 1/2 children. This Saturday night of babysitting might not have been on my agenda, but sitting there in a laugh-induced coma surrounded by people I love, I didn't want to be anywhere else.

One week left in LA. That was fast :D

Transitions

It feels like every time I figure out a really good routine, I have to change it. My mother told me recently that I'm not good with transitions... she might be right. I tend to get anxious and start reaching out for anything solid or stable.

I've finally got this whole living alone thing down, mostly from trial and error. For instance, if I don't plan out my meals, I'll end up buying and then wasting groceries. If I overfeed my beta simply because he has a large appetite, he will bloat up and die a perfectly happy obese death (alas, Jesus.) Also, if I choose not to get my car washed because I don't have time, I'll ruin my white pants when I attempt to close my car trunk. If I choose to spend a Saturday night at my apartment, I better be armed with books and some basic activities or I'll end up with a container of ice cream, sad playlists or a slew of Alias re-runs, and some really fantastic (later regrettable) text messages. Lastly, you can't go see every single movie currently in theaters or you'll end up bored on a Sunday night with no options except the movie about talking Gerbils. Oh the things you learn when you have to be responsible.

What I'm trying to figure out is how I'm going to develop a routine in Shanghai. The most daunting aspect of living in China (for me) is that no matter how many months I live there or how good my Mandarin gets, I will NEVER blend in. I'm 5'2, blonde haired and blue eyed. It's just not going to happen for me. The most I can hope for is that people will take me seriously... but even that's a stretch. I guess that's the fun of the experience. I'll be living in the "Paris of Asia," full of culture and life, so who really cares if I ever find my niche?

Maybe it's not about finding a niche. Maybe, for the first time, it's about not being attatched to anything and simply floating for awhile... we'll see.