Transitions

It feels like every time I figure out a really good routine, I have to change it. My mother told me recently that I'm not good with transitions... she might be right. I tend to get anxious and start reaching out for anything solid or stable.

I've finally got this whole living alone thing down, mostly from trial and error. For instance, if I don't plan out my meals, I'll end up buying and then wasting groceries. If I overfeed my beta simply because he has a large appetite, he will bloat up and die a perfectly happy obese death (alas, Jesus.) Also, if I choose not to get my car washed because I don't have time, I'll ruin my white pants when I attempt to close my car trunk. If I choose to spend a Saturday night at my apartment, I better be armed with books and some basic activities or I'll end up with a container of ice cream, sad playlists or a slew of Alias re-runs, and some really fantastic (later regrettable) text messages. Lastly, you can't go see every single movie currently in theaters or you'll end up bored on a Sunday night with no options except the movie about talking Gerbils. Oh the things you learn when you have to be responsible.

What I'm trying to figure out is how I'm going to develop a routine in Shanghai. The most daunting aspect of living in China (for me) is that no matter how many months I live there or how good my Mandarin gets, I will NEVER blend in. I'm 5'2, blonde haired and blue eyed. It's just not going to happen for me. The most I can hope for is that people will take me seriously... but even that's a stretch. I guess that's the fun of the experience. I'll be living in the "Paris of Asia," full of culture and life, so who really cares if I ever find my niche?

Maybe it's not about finding a niche. Maybe, for the first time, it's about not being attatched to anything and simply floating for awhile... we'll see.