Living my own, grown up fantasy

I think we all have ideas about what it means to be a "grown up."

...In middle school, I would sneak Sex and the City episodes (for which I would be eventually caught) and fantasize about living a glamorous, single life like that of Carrie Bradshaw. I imagined days filled with lunch dates, impossibly stylish size zero outfits, and late nights running around New York City. To my thirteen year old self, life as an "adult" meant freedom, fun, and zero accountability (accompanied by endless funds to pursue all my wildest material endeavors.)

Well... here I am almost 7 years later. Things are quite different.

First, Carrie's shoes are expensive, painful, and rather impractical in the California heat.

My summer days are filled with phone calls, meetings and projects. I adore the experience, the work and the people. Working in Entertainment can be incredibly glamorous, especially when it involves premieres, presentations to clients, going to show tapings, and driving around the Lot. Of course, there are days when I get to be like any other intern, organizing portfolios and making copies. One of the biggest perks of this job is that I am surrounded by incredible role models. These women (and a few men) are professional "working" people; tirelessly devoted to their jobs. My bosses are both single, intimidating women who pursue success relentlessly. Castilleja would be so proud. Not only have I traded a fictional character for real women, but I'm choosing to take my summer freedom and put it to work in exchange for invaluable experience. I thought the thrill of just getting this job would be the highlight of my summer... but that was truly just the beginning.

Size zero is another story. Even living in a city where superficiality is as standard as the smog I breathe, I refuse to give up food. I refuse to drink black coffee as a meal, forgo pasta, or turn a cliff bar into a daily supplement. Would I love to be that non-existent size of my once coveted idol, but I must settle for six day a week workouts and healthy eating. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and accept that health, not beauty (though that's nice too), is all you can do for yourself.

Am I grown up? Hahaha absolutely not. However, I'm getting there. I have a lot to learn, plenty of mistakes to make and hopefully some lucky breaks along the way. I'm not living the Carrie Bradshaw fantasy; I'm living my own. I pay my credit bills in full, I frequent Whole Foods instead of Nordstroms, and I treat myself to long phone calls with friends and novels versus the wild New York all nighter. Tame? maybe. Happy? most of the time. Worth it? hell yes.

What I guess I'm beginning to realize is that with this new self-accountability comes a sense of personal pride and high self-expectations. Though I could choose to simply "get by," I choose to work and live in pursuit of something far greater: fulfillment. Life isn't about living the Carrie Bradshaw dream. Life is about never settling for those things you know you can have... life is about wanting more than a picket fence and great photos. Well, I don't know if that's what LIFE's about, but it's what I'm planning.